Watch as i fall, oh so faithlessly

stuff

Sat, 03 Jan 2004 20:07:33 GMT

yeah im sapose to go to the saving tomorrow//circut show today its gonna be sweet. i hope ally goes. so me and sean can get a ride with her and alecia. but yeah the other day around 11 at night i was really fuckin tired (new years day) and i was talking to ally and i said my eyes where half open (because i was so tired) and i made a quick poem about it. tell me what yall think

My eyes are half open
But my wrist are full blown
My sarrow keeps rising
And will soon be over grown
These scars still bleed sometimes
But are not so easily shown

Even though I have these problems
I dont flaunt them
Because there not your problems
To deal with and to mend
But your not like me, you cut
As if it were just a trend

You tell such tall tails
I dont know what is real
I guard my heart from you
Because you try to steal
Every single piece and part of me
Until I cannot feel

After you beat and rape me
And leave me bent and broken
Just tare apart my insides
And leave the rest unspoken
Please just break my ugly figure
But leave my eyes half open

i dont know what i was thinking lol o well
well i gotta go meet sean and and then go get ally

the party was sweet

Thu, 01 Jan 2004 17:30:56 GMT

hooters was pretty fun, we eat alot wings, but our waitress was one of them chick who seem to have lied on their application, if you know what i mean. oh you prolly dont cuz im a loozer. then the frank took us to like every thrift store in michigan...or rather roseville. i got a new sweet o suit that im still whereing cuz i havnt changed yet. and i smell lol. its just every ones effin sleeping, and i cant sleep cuz my sister i havnt seen in 3 years is sleepin in my bed. we had alot of fun at the party hole bunches of ppl showed up. allison and alecia where there, we had fun. i wanted to kiss allison when the ball droped (b/c that was her goal) but for some reason i couldnt, i got nervous and didnt do it, im usually not like that its weird. (im a looser) i know her and sean are good friends, and we wanna hook him and alicia up together, but for some reason i get really nerveous when they talk (considering maggie cheated on my twice with him, my best effin friend) i dunno im just peranoid. i broke down last night but gladly no one noticed, i just got really sad. it was pretty late into the night, i dunnoim just lonley. and then theres a certain some one that has a girlfriend that just uses the crap out of her, and flirts with everyone besides her. piss out ur anus! we stayed up like all night and all the guys where downstairs and we made jokes about sams aunt cuz she is the mother of satan (her child is THE devil). were made some inside jokes like. "i get the bread!" and "i have 7! on my forehead! "mushroom bruse!" "the eye is allways watching" "rudabega (sp)" lol those are great just ask me on aim. i sleped a little bit, i shared a pillow and blanket with erica. there where so effin few. o well. i had lots of fun. we kinda all got kicked out lol, well im gonna go now. if you wanna know more just ask.
oh and if you dont know what don was talking about when he replied to my last post just ask me :) bye

new years eve

Wed, 31 Dec 2003 16:36:00 GMT

todays new years eve, yesterday was cool i confessed my feelings to the girl i like...allison. shes allways been my ally. :) i like her alot. i hope she comes to sams today, if your feeling better, and ur comming and i havnt called you, then call my house and ask jake to find sams number and that its important. well anytime now frank is sapose to come pick me up, hes takin us out to hooters, its gonna be sweet, ill ttyl

I'm in love with my little big sister~~~~~~=/=|

Wed, 31 Dec 2003 04:41:56 GMT

Band practice got screwed up cuz mike got his teeth pulled.....i wanna be called yellow hate disease i think its cool~~~~anywho~~~ i just wrote i corney poem about the girl i like, but i know she dosnt like me like that but oh well, and if you know me well you can prolly guess who it is, and if you do i will give you a cookie, its one of my closest friends in life, anywho....and its not a dude lol well its called,
If you where trapped in a picture frame

There’s this girl
In my head
And these thoughts
Make me wish I where dead
Some times
Just because I know
I can’t have her
And I can’t hold her
In my arms
Like I want to
I just want to fall down
Right next to you
Just close enough
To hear your heart beat
So we can flirt
With no surprise
And we can cause heat
To rise
Within each other
I know how you feel
Because I am practically
Your little brother
But I can’t hide
These feelings
It just hurts so bad inside
When I suppress them
And I know
That I tend
To joke around
But that dose not mean
I don’t care for you
I will be here for you
For the rest of time
I will help you when you hurt
We can listen to each other wine
If you were stuck in a picture frame
And I could only glance
That would be just fine
And I would still pretend to dance
Even though I can’t
I would still do it for you
Just like we use to
And I would still jump in puddles
When it rains
Because that always helped
Take away my pains
And when stare at you
I tend to smile
And when we play
I feel great all
The wile
I hope you know
That I love you
And my feelings, I just can’t hide
And even though, you have lost your glow
I am sure I could help you remember
What it’s like to feel warm inside
I still laugh and think
About when we fall
Now I wish we could
Fall together, away from it all
Fall as one
Down from here
But never hit the ground
Just come so near
I just wanted
To write this letter
So when you’re sad
It might make you
Feel a little better
I know this is all so lame
But I will still love you
Just the same
Even if your essence
Was trapped in a picture frame

well erica you dont count cuz u know lol anywho im gonna go buh bye ttyl

Tue, 30 Dec 2003 04:17:32 GMT

seems like every time i post its the day before practice latley lol, well i got practice tomorrow, last time we got buncha pics it was sweet, but they whernt that great, we are gonna get better ones this time... we are doing pretty good, eddy says his friend dave can sing....hopfully he can that would be sweet i cant wait! lol well im gonna go ttyl

whats hizup

Sat, 27 Dec 2003 04:28:46 GMT

hello everone i gots bunches of stuff for x-mas, like my 50watt bass amp, my 12ft 24 karate gold tipped bass cord, a strap, some kurt cobain book a buncha other stuff, some braclets $100 and some other stuff. today me and eddy whent over dereks and jamed we made a song it was cool ass all hell. then i came home and yelled at my dog for terring shit up and then i wrote this song its called anti-chirst

I hate when I feel this away
Careless and denying
All the same old shit
Rebellious and deifying

Hated by so many
Loved by so few
I loose my self in pain
And die right before you

As I reach out to you
Gasping and twitching in torment
Do you realize I am not afraid to die?
But I’m intimated the angel you have sent

I have been crucified
By my own emotions
So many times I have died
Ripped apart by my own devotions

I was denied by my messiah
Torn by my own faith
Risen from my hate
The demons with in eat away

Why must we
Fall behind
Our Christ

(Whispered)…. Fucking Christ

Why must we
Fall victim
To the pains of Jesus Christ

All hope taken away from me
I am eaten by my angst
Tortured by me own difference
Driven to the brink of madness
My sorrow seems to lacerate me
My abhorrence seems to masticate me
But my hatred some how seems to save me

It keeps me going
With false hopes
Of getting back at you
The one who dammed me

So now as I choke on my own blood
Staring up at you
As you walk away and laugh again
Just like you always do

I stare so faithless
Into the eyes of god
Forgetting what’s before me
Not caring of the odd

I drowned in my own misery
Am lost in my empty faith
There’s nothing left for me
No more written fate

The failed attempts of apathy
This is my life, here at stake
This tear of blood that I will cry
I'll do it for my own sake

My band mates and I thought it was pretty sweet

well tomorrow i got practice, its gonna be fun hopfully ill bbl

X-MAS EFFIN EVE

Wed, 24 Dec 2003 18:59:00 GMT

ITS CHIRSTMAS EVE!!!! WAHOOO I CANT WAIT, I HAVE A FEELING CHIRSTMAS IS GONNA SUCK BUT HOPFULLY IT DOSNT! Cuz yesterday didnt go at all like i planned :( our band practice was ruined because our drummer fell asleep and his mom left so he didnt have a ride lol. then i whent to dereks, and hardly got any cuddle action from my crystal cuz she was all over some one else at all times :( and i wont see her now for another year :( well oh well i cant wait tell new years eve! The frank is gonna take us all out to hooters then sams having a party! its gonna be suhweet! lol well time for me to go, im gonna be listening to "Merry Christmas" The Woodmans. its the franks christmas cd, wich i like to call A very merry woodman christmas~~~~ hahaha

practice

Tue, 23 Dec 2003 15:54:12 GMT

I GOT BAND PRACTICE TODAY! HELL YES! I LOVE YOU KYLE (KAWRL) YOUR THE GREATEST! I CANT WAIT TELL WE GET THIS BAND GOIN AND GET TO PLAY SOME SHOWS! SO WE CAN ROCK SOME FUCKIN HIZZZZZZZZZZZZOUSES! WAHOO IM EXCITED! ITS GONNA BE FUN! THEN IM SAPOSE TO GO TO DEREKS AND SEE MY CRYSTAL! HELL YES! I CANT WAIT! IM EXCITED IM GONNA PEE MY SELF! LOL NOT REALLY. IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG I WILL KNOW THAT "GOD" HATES ME! LOL! WELL TIME TO GO FOR ME WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*flyies away into the sunset!*

crystal rules LOL i dunno totally random

Tue, 23 Dec 2003 02:13:55 GMT

waiting for sean to fuckin call lol. i whent and hung out with my lisa today, and came home and my mom made me go to family video it blew. i tried to steal 2 baby jesus' but they where both attached by wires. DAMNIT! i already have one at seans house lol. as you see my lj is kinda spiffy now, lisa did it for me, its sweet! lol. anywho~~~~~~~~~

Tomorrow After practice with my band (i love em) im going to go to dereks, hopfully i can get a ride. I get to see my Crystal!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOL I CANT WAIT *DANCES* serioslly i am effin excited! soooooooo do de do do de do do de do doo. well im gonna go be excited lol

Mon, 22 Dec 2003 05:05:31 GMT

today i sat around and did nothing, but eventually i whent and hung out with my friends lizzie, jon, nikki, and then i guess nikkis friend dan ( he was really weird) tomorrow im sapose to hang out with lisa, hopfully i can. i hope she calls me or gos online so i can get a hold of her and stuff. jon also wants to hang out with me today, but i dunno, i really wanna hang out with lisa, i havnt seen her in over 3 months. yes thats sad :(
only like one more day tell crystal comes down (derek cousin) wahoo lol shes awesome. i cant wait, oh yeah and then its chirstmas wahooo lol. well i think im gonna go for now wahooo bye :)

today was fun

Sun, 21 Dec 2003 05:05:14 GMT

last night derek, sam, and i fallowed people around k-mart chasing them playing the accoustic guitar. it was grand. we whent to dereks and made up a song, off of my bass line. man i want matts bass its effin sweet, i like it so much better then mine. o well. we whent to bowling in the morning, then i whent home showered and whent to the mall with sean and other adam. we had fun, i kept talking in my movie voice it was halarious. then we whent and saw lotr 3. that movie was effin long, but good. it was halarious for some reason, with me and seans audio comentary lol. now im at home listening to the stripes, and my butt hurts from sitting down. i am talking to some of my favorite ppl (crystal, and my lovely lesbian friend from drama julie) they are awesome. well im tired so im gonna go for now

today and another poem

Fri, 19 Dec 2003 21:09:50 GMT

what is up yall? today was easy i just walked around skool and screwed around, alot of ppl talked about seeing my nuts and so on and so forth lol. a bunch of people came up to me and said "it was a pleasure seeing your balls man!" it was great. my testicles are now famous. well anywho. it blows total ass, cuz my friend Teddy Craft got a 6 point ticket today, for a hit and run he was involved in the other day, so therefore hes grounded and cant drive tell hes 19, now i dont get to see my big gaint tell over break (hes like 6'9'') and im out a bass amp this blows. anywho i just got home and i plan on going to visit my friend oscar fish up at his job. hes all alone out the little booth by kroger, ya know the gas station thing, thats so neat. anywho i just thought id leave all my readers with a poem i just wrote like 10 minutes ago about my name.

falling faithless

I love the way
You look
Every time
You stare
I love the way
You flip
Your long
Black hair
I love the way
You smile
When you turn to see
All the wile
You’re walking away from me

So now that you’re gone
Who is there to watch me?
Who is there to catch me?
When I fall
From my cloud so tall

If I see you one last time
Will you still smile the same?
Well you still flip your hair as you turn
And smile when I call out your name

So untouchable
So unmatchable
So unreachable
So unbelievable

Everything seems to freeze
When you walk by
I get week in the knees
When you say hi
I feel alone
When you wave goodbye
I just want to be with you
And stay by your side
But you walked away
And my insides died
My stomach started to hurt
And my heart felt fried

You have hurt me so bad in the past
But still I fall for you
Just because I have the chance
I fall so hopelessly down to your will
And I cherish every moment we share
Together as one we stand still
For ever silent gazing, just knowing we both care

You looked the same
Every time you walked away
It all seemed like the same
Cold and rainy day

My nose touches yours
And I look threw your eyes
As if I can read your soul
And then comes a surprise

Your lips touch mine
I can feel your heart as we kiss
I always dreamt
Of a moment like this
The passion rises
And just like before
I fall into you
Forever more

No matter how hard I try
Or how much I care
I don’t know why
Your still there
I still can’t believe
You haven’t walked away
I don’t know why
You decided to stay
Now I look forward
To every moment like this
Just us alone together
Drowning in bliss
So watch as I trip into you
And fall oh so faithless
I fall, just watch me
Oh so faithlessly

hello

Fri, 19 Dec 2003 04:09:21 GMT

hello today, I have finally given in and started my own live journal....grrr
anywho so whats up journal? lol
today my drama class performed a improv play twice. it was so much fun, i had a great time. I played the part of an old grandma. I whore an ugly green dress, my hair was in a bun, and to top it all off i had panty hose around my shoulders with an orange at each end to give me the illusion of saggy boobs. it was halarious. In one seen i was sapose to fall on the ground and "pass out" from drinking to much, but aparantly my dress came up enought to expose my genitalia (all i had on under the dress where my boxers) so some 300 people where blessed with the sight of my junk! that is so awesome! some one asked my close friend sam how the play was and he said "Man! It was nuts!" (no pun intended) lol Also a kid that sits next to me in bio walked up to me before the second performance and said "hey adam nice-" and grabbed his crotch. i thought that was halarious. well anyway after that i whent and changed and whent to drama night with sam and katie, and had fun with all my lovley drama friends. then i whent home and got very bored for awile then, eventually got to go to matts. we talked alot about, well alot and eventually i whent home. i sat at home and talk to my loving friends, well i was started writting a story so i didnt talk that much, so i felt bad. i hope crystal isnt mad at me for not talking. i just sat there and eventually i wrote this poem in like 5 minutes, it reminds me of a song. its called just like a book~~~~~

Open me up
Just like a book
A caring word
Is all it took
Day by day
The same damn thing
On every page

I wish I could erase
All the bad things
Wrong with my face
And then maybe
You could love me
It wouldn’t be so hard
Just to hug me

I just wish
I could tare out each page
Written red with rage
And erase all my fears
Wipe away all my tears
And then throw it away
Then maybe I would
Forget my self day by day

Where ever you choose to open me
Just like a book
I’ll be red
And read the scribbles,
On the side
Because I still remember
Every thing you said
But I chose to hide
Them from you
Because I am still afraid
Of what words do
So I sit here waiting
Passing up my chance
And still I’m hating
That last glance
The one you gave me
When I asked you to dance

So I write out my day
In my book
About everything I couldn’t say
And how you look still in my head
That picture will never fade away

I lie down and start to think
Dab my pen in red ink
I start to fill out the pages
Of memories faded
And when there’s no more ink left
I will lie there
With my last page unwritten
My body cold and faint
My final chapter left blank

i have no idea where that came from lol well time for me to go i wll talk to you later woooooooo~